


Breathe

by Marfabu



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Depression, F/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-25 23:41:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3829237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marfabu/pseuds/Marfabu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The tale of the Doctor's adventure through the uncharted territory of a companions mind and how he helps her through the trials and tribulations that come. But piling that on top of the crushing weight of having to babysit the universe can throw any Timelord into a confused frenzy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He does not say her name. He does not even bear to look at her. Instead, he prays her name and blinks down at her reverently, almost seeming to be under the idea that she's going to fade away if he doesn't keep his gaze on her.

She's fragile under his stare with skin that seems to be made of glass, and how he wants to touch it will never be understood. But if he reached out, would she break? Would her eyes overflow with tears caused by him, and would he be able to bear that thought?

Grace looks back at him with a cautious green gaze because she sees so much in him. She sees hopelessness and desolation intermingled with passion and caring and all she wants to do is fix him. He's witnessed so many people leave him after having so many companions and he's afraid that he's going to lose her too.

The heart-monitor beeps next to her carefully and she extends a hand to cover his, and that's when he notices the scars covering her arm. Her hand is cold like the glass she seems to be made of and he sighs heavily at the thought that he couldn't help her. For God's sake, he wasn't even intelligent enough to see how hurt she was.

For all that the Doctor was worth, he wasn't able to save her just like he couldn't stop the others from leaving. He doesn't know what to do, so he sits there and feels her cold hand cover his and does all he can do to keep breathing and stem the flow of oncoming tears.

"I'm sorry," he tries to say, but no words are able to come out. So he shivers under the cold of her hand and breathes some more as she says the answer that he never requested.

"It's okay."

And he knows that it is because, if it wasn't, then she wouldn't have said it. And for whatever reason, that comforts him. He lets those words resonate through his mind and gives them the power to keep him calm and enjoys that fleeting feeling. Even though this entire circumstance is his fault, he feels calm for a moment. And although he doesn't know how Grace can do that, he's more grateful in this moment than he's ever been.

The Doctor knows that it's hard for her to talk, so he keeps her quiet and let's his gaze fall to the scars littering her arms. He wants to ask her why she didn't tell him what was wrong and what compelled her to keep her suicidal thoughts from him, but doesn't. She looks so fragile and he doesn't want to ruin the moment that seems so peaceful on the exterior.

Her gaze meets his and she passes him a sad smile and closes her eyes as she utters her next command, "Breathe."


	2. He Never Thought to Ask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with the topic of depression. I tell you this only because I want to warn you in case that's triggering to you.

There was a time where this depression wasn't a concern and her scars weren't as prominent. There was no noticeable point, in the Doctor's opinion, that he could tell you when things had started to go downhill; simple put, there were only moments that he could feel that things had already spiraled out of control.   
  
Sometimes through the TARDIS's walls he could hear blared music and empty words created to hide her under a blanket of sound. She liked to pretend that things were okay and he honestly believed that, sometimes, things were okay for her. Her hazel eyes would sparkle and her laugh would be as joyous as ever, and for a short amount of time, it was believable that she was okay. And in those moments, he believed that he was okay, too.   
  
Neither of them were okay. And maybe, just maybe, that's why the Doctor could believe that she was okay. He could create an idea that it wasn't his fault that she was lying here, wires keeping track of her, and he could believe it for a short time before the overwhelming dread ate him and pulled his heart into his stomach.   
  
But he never thought to ask. Grace was always forward about how she felt and always made sure that her feelings were heard. So it's straightforward to say that he believed, at first, that she would have brought something like this up for him to understand. But she didn't, and now they were here: hand in hand with her in a hospital bed with no words to cover the silence that filled them.   
  
She's so stunning in a way that doesn't demand attention. Her eyes are full of words and phrases that he firmly believes someone, someday, will come along to make into poetry. He has never believed in someone as much as he believes in her; the girl full of impossible secrets with eyes full of poetry.   
  
Sometimes he would try to sit down and talk with her about her life but that look would cross her face, full of panicked thoughts and words that jumbled together and bumped against once another. So he'd drop it. He wouldn't push her into uncomfortable territory unless she wanted him too.   
  
But now he knew that he wanted her to spill her secrets because he needed to know. If whatever secrets that she has have left her this bruised and scarred and so unfulfilled with herself, the Doctor needs to know. He deserves to know, even if he can't find the words to ask. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry that this chapter is more filler than anything else, but I do promise you that the future ones will be better than this! I hope that you're enjoying it so far, and I'd love to hear what you think about it in the comments! I also appreciate kudos as well. ♥


End file.
